


Broken Paradise

by igi_pigi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 19:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13620234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igi_pigi/pseuds/igi_pigi
Summary: Just normal bedtime talks abt how you both are from different worlds and don't have a future together, and then having nightmares of the same. You know, regular couple stuff.[Set well after Thor2.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Sweet!Thor, who was very comically murdered by the Clown!Thor of Thor Ragnarok.

Thor and Jane fall back on the bed, coming down from the high of climax. Jane tilts her head backward, eyes closed, smiling wide and panting. Thor has his face buried in the pillow, trying to even his breathing.

She slowly opens her eyes, blinks a few times to even her watering eyes, and looks at him. She can only see half of his face, his left eye - as he lies on his stomach beside her. She pulls the blanket over herself, and adjusts it on him too. A part of her, as always, is thinking of rolling him over and starting again. Doing it with him can't be labeled sex even. It's pure lovemaking. She just can't get enough of him!

She stops in her tracks as he blinks open his eye, looking nowhere in particular.

Those blue orbs are so ethereal, so deep, she could be lost in them forever. They look like literal crystals sometimes. She doesn't think she has seen a more beautiful pair of eyes before.

She lets out a tiny gasp when his eye finds and locks with hers. He gives a small, satisfied smile. Now, this is the time when he pushes forward to plant a quick kiss on her lips. He just does this every time - mostly. But today, he seems more spent than usual, so he resorts to stroking her cheek with his hand.

Jane is still lost in the blue of his eye, holding his gaze even when he's retreated his hand back. "Your eyes are so beautiful!" She voices it at last, eliciting a smile out of him.

"Well," he finds his voice, "I find eyes that are curious equally beautiful, if not more..." He turns the compliment her way, his voice smoky as usual - though a bit rough. "Eyes that are always looking beyond, always searching, always glistening with something so pure..."

He trails off, intently looking into her eyes. She can't help but blush at that. "You always make it about me."

"Who said I was talking about your eyes?" He asks with mock seriousness. She plays along by pretending to be offended. He chuckles and this time, pushes forward to finally give her that kiss he'd have meant to earlier.

Whatever she has to say can definitely be held off for a sweet kiss from her beloved. So she happily accepts, even bringing her hand up to cup his cheek and making it last longer than it would have.

"No really, let me start over," Jane speaks as soon as they break away, propping up on her elbow. Thor turns on his side, looking amused at her behest.

She pretends - or doesn't - to think for a moment. "You have the most beautiful eyes in all of the nine realms!" She thoughtfully enunciates her words. Then adds, "although I haven't been to all of them. But you get the point."

Well, that wasn't anywhere near as romantic or poetic to what he said. Great going!

"You've been to three. That is impressive, for a Midgardian maiden." Thor compliments her. Of course, steering the conversation away from his praise. But he does have a point with that.

"You must've been to all nine?" Jane asks curiously. He looks as if he got caught off guard. Then shakes his head for 'no'. "Seven," he adds.

"Really? Is there a reason?"

Thor lies back in the pillows in a laid-back sitting stance, realising this may take a while. Jane too moves to sit cross-legged, loosely draping the blanket over her; dragging away what was just below his chest down his navel in the process and appreciating the newly exposed view.

"Muspelheim and Helheim are the ones I haven't." He starts as Jane looks on like a curious child. "Muspelheim... Well, it just hasn't come to it that we have to wage battle with the fire demons. Father defeated them long ago. And that place isn't one you can casually take a walk in. So it just missed out, unfortunately!"

"And what about Helheim?"

He looks back at her. "I am not supposed to." He reminds in a matter of factly way. She looks back too.

She knows abt the realms. He told her abt them that night all those years ago in New Mexico... when it was all too much for her to believe. She does now - obviously! But she still can't buy the fact that the only reason Thor never went to a realm is because he was prohibited to.

"That is what stopped you?" She asks wide-eyed.

Thor blinks. "Jane, why would I want to go to the place meant for the vilest criminals the 9 realms have seen? It's not exactly a tourist spot."

"Don't you think it's a little hypocrite, Your Highness, to call yourself the 'protector of the nine realms' when you haven't even been to all?" She completes her accusation with air quotations. "And given your views for the last one, you might as well scale down to 8!"

"Do you want to go to Helheim?" Thor sits up, pretending to leave and trying his best to suppress his smile at her dramatic display. "We can go now..."

A smile escapes her lips too - at the way he said it, and she calms down a bit.

"Look, Love, one does not go there by choice." He tries again. "It is a prison for all sorts of demented and dishonorable sinners to be kept in confinement. Now, I am not opposed to going there if need be. I know Father did. But I want it to happen naturally... like it did with him."

Okay, when he puts it like that...  
She offers an understanding nod.

"I can certainly tell you what it looks like, if that's what your query was. Father told me." He encourages. "And really, I too have been ever so curious about it... Maybe someday."

He looks out of the balcony windows, smiling to himself. Jane is still looking at him. It's nice to know that he shares her curiosity over the unseen realms. She might have started to feel a bit uneasy abt it otherwise. She'd love to know abt the intricacies of the living conditions in all these realms that support only a certain type of life there - and so many other things like that. But that's all for later.

"What I want to know is, your experiences in these places?" She giddily asks, not realising that she broke his chain of thought there.

Thor looks back at her, smile still persistent. Then moves forward to grab their discarded clothes, realising this may well be a lot longer than he'd have expected. "My experience on Midgard has been nothing short of extraordinary," he starts while giving her her camisole and shorts and wearing his own lowers, "I can tell you that."

She chuckles fondly and he moves back in more or less the same position - propped on the pillows. Jane also has her clothes back on.

"Other realms... It's mostly battles... And other things." He glances at her, then looks down as quickly at the mention of 'other things', making her narrow her eyes in response!

"Yeah, yeah sure! Must be a checklist - nailing chicks in every realm." She first makes a checking sign in the air with her finger, then gasps and covers her chest with her arms as soon as she realises that she would top it if a list so existed.

Thor is slowly shaking his head - as if disappointed in her. "You really think that of me?"

The intimidating look he sports tells her he isn't joking with this one.

"Kidding!" She tries to brush it off. Because she really, really doesn't want to see his angry side - ever. And she also doesn't want to picture her Thor with anyone else!

Though he doesn't look like he is really convinced, he still lets go. "Now that I'm thinking of it," he goes back to her original question, "it really was mostly just battles. What else am I capable of anyway?" He tries to laugh it off, but can't quite. Jane thinks she ought to say something here, but before she can, he does.

"No matter what the realm, all I have the memories of is war. What's worse--" he stops himself and looks away like nothing happened, perhaps hoping she would let it go too.

How can she?

She places her hand on his ever so gently - to get him to look at her. He does, eyes filled with hurt - which makes her heart sink. She senses a hint of anger there too - as if he's mad at himself to have made her uncomfortable.

She squeezes his hand as gently and encourages, "Yeah?"

He holds hers back, tight.

"What is worse is how much I enjoyed it." He confesses. "I enjoyed causing harm, killing, slaughtering! I looked forward to it, Jane!"

He screws his eyes shut, disgusted with himself. And she can swear he sneaked a look at his hammer where it rests on the sofa chair across the room for a second there before he continued. "It was only after..." He looks at her now, still firmly holding her hand "You and... Midgard, that I saw them for what they really were. The death and suffering they bought."

He does look relieved after voicing it, even though still upset. He looks down. Now she isn't sure what to say - she can't imagine being in his shoes. But she knows that she wouldn't have the heart to take somebody's life - in a battlefield or otherwise. To think what a millennia of that would do to someone's conscience! Add to that he didn't really realise the weight of his actions until... her?

"You did what you had to." She tries to console him the best she knows how, voice soft. "But if it bothers you, you can always turn away from it and start fresh."

He looks up from his lap - at her.

"With you?"

Jane freezes.

"I'd do it in a heartbeat," Thor says instantaneously, looking in her eyes. "Take you and go someplace so far away where no one can find us. Helheim would do..."

He might have expected a chuckle out of her on that one but she can only stare at him. Did he just say what she thinks he did?

She is suddenly aware of their hands touching. His holding hers.

"But that is not the life of the King." He concludes, smiling sadly. He again looks away and out the windows. Jane is still staring at him, feeling the weight of his words...

She thinks she wants to say something, anything - a lot of things. He turns to her before she can. "We should sleep." He lets go of her hand and starts shifting on the bed.

"No, no, wait." Oh no, he can't go to sleep on that note. "Tell me one of those stories. Not of other realms, Asgard would do." She says desperately.

He smiles again at her attempt. "I will. But we have plenty of time for that. I am here, Jane." He assures her, stroking her jaw. "We should sleep now."

He shifts to her side, leaving his - the warmer one - for her. Jane doesn't really want to move but does eventually, feeling so very gloomy.

She knows he wants to face away from her for some much-needed solitude, but won't. And so he does - he lies on his back. She too doesn't want to turn her back on him, and lies on her side, though facing down - towards his arm. She hopes it'd give him some privacy at least.

Though she knows sleep won't be easy to find tonight. They belong to different worlds. And he moved Heaven and Earth (the irony!) to be with her. This is more than enough for her to be grateful for. Which she is. So much so that she has never allowed herself to think or hope beyond that... of the future.

Now to know that he did! She wants to scream with ecstasy, yes. But the realisation that this little paradise they've nurtured together won't last as long crushes her. They both know this.

She selfishly wants to hold onto him forever, she'd do anything for it. And dares to hope he does too.

Jane flicks her eyes up to look at him one last time before she closes them in an effort to sleep. The way his chest is rising and falling tells her he's definitely asleep. She doesn't think it had been long since they both lied down. It was evidently enough for him. It's good, she reckons. At least he's at peace and not restless like her.

She looks up his face now. His eyes are closed, but she can see the trail of a solitary tear running down his temple.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have a lot more mistakes as my eyes were burning with tears while writing it.

Thor was grateful for just abt any sleep he could get amidst the feeling of dense desolation he so desperately wanted to not feel. But of course, it did not last more than an hour or so. Jane's faint whimpers from behind him were pulling him back to consciousness. Lying on his side, he winces a couple of times, not really recognising the sound in languor. Once he does, his eyes snap open and he sits upright in a jiffy.

"Jane?" He calls out to no one and quickly turns towards her. She lies on her back, entangled in the sheets and face contorted in agony. Her cries of 'no' are getting louder by the minute, punctuated with labored breaths.

Ignoring the headache that is beginning to form in his head, he goes ahead and carefully grabs her shoulders. "Jane? Jane?" he calls. Expectedly getting no response, he calls for her again, shaking her shoulders lightly, ever so careful he doesn't hurt her. Unaffected, she continues wailing in pain.

This isn't new for them. She oftentimes suffers from nightmares like these. But she recovers from them fairly quickly as well. Today it seems to be getting the better of her.

Panic taking over, he is abt to shake her again when she opens her eyes - wide open, though unfocused and gulps in as much air as she can.

"Jane? Are you ok--"

"--Oh my god! You're okay!" She says to him.

Confused by her words, he can only watch as she sits up and leans him in for a hug. Then breaks away a little to frantically roam her hands over his arms and chest. He lets her have her contentment.

Her hands travel upward now, towards his neck, then face and he instinctively closes them when she touches his eyes - trying to put on a courteous smile at her admittedly endearing childish act of touching him like that to assure herself of his safety.

"Yeah, yeah, you're fine. It was a dream." She breathes, hand still on his cheek.

"Yes." Thor confirms, and once again, she doesn't give him the chance to do anything further than that. Jane meets his eyes with horror in her own, "I thought I lost you!" Her eyes well up again and she hides her face in his chest.

He envelopes her in his embrace. One hand cradling her head, the other gently stroking her back, he whispers softly, "It's alright, let it out." It's hard to concentrate with the shooting pain in his head, but this much he can tell that this dream of hers surely involved him. "We're fine. I'm here."

They stay like that for some time, until her weeping stops and she pulls away from him a little. She grimaces at his chest wet from her tears, and embarrassingly brings her hand up to wipe it.

"It-- it's okay." He stops her hand with his own, and instead wipes at her wet cheeks. He waits for a moment, then touches her jaw. "Hey, look at me."

She hesitates at first, but does as asked.

"It was a dream, Jane." He tucks a few hairs behind her ear, holding her gaze. "Nothing happened to me. I'm fine. We're fine. You don't have to worry abt it. Alright?"

She nods and sniffs. Thor smiles as well.

"I'll get you some water," he tells her and moves to reach the water jar on his bedside. She immediately grabs his arm and cries, "No, don't leave me!"

He looks back, surprised. "It's right here!" He calmly reminds her, pointing at it - that he won't have to get up the bed even. But she shakes her head in refusal and hugs his arm close to her chest. This uncharacteristic behavior from her unsettling him now.

"Okay, okay." He assures her, vaguely amused at how he's grown to use that word now. He contemplates going for the water jar at her bedside, then decides against it. "Hold my hand." He asks at last.

She looks at him with the slightest hint of suspicion.

"Trust me." Thor says.

Jane reluctantly lets go of his arm and holds his hand with both of hers, though pulls it to her chest too. Once he gets the needed space to reach the jar on his side with this change, he goes ahead and carefully pours water in his glass tumbler - with an eye on her. Seeing as she doesn't relieve either of her hands to take the glass when he brings it to her, he holds it to her lips to help her drink it. But she brings her hand up and takes it from him, evidently having changed her mind. Her other still holds his.

He takes these few moments of her drinking the water to rub his temples with his fingers in a futile attempt of easing his headache.

Thor keeps the glass away once she is done. "Good?" He asks. She nods slowly, seemingly getting ahold of herself now.

"Do you want to talk abt it?" He asks cautiously.

She thinks for a moment, then speaks at last, having made her choice. "It was horrible... everything was burning. I think it was a war or something but there was no one there."

She looks up, "except you... you were down on the ground with..." She screws her eyes shut, "both your eyes hollowed out!"

Thor's eyes widen. That's...

"And you were calling out to someone..." She tries to remember, "Uhh, you said, 'Take me, leave her.' And you were very wounded and bloodied and about to..."

She covers her mouth with another silent sob. Thor purses his lips.

"Come here." He pulls her into his arms once again. This is a lot of crying in a single night. But this morbid dream of hers is definitely something. The grotesque image of him without his eyes aside, why would he beg someone take himself instead of a beloved? It cannot be Mother, and he doesn't have a sister. So could it be Jane? He can feel his headache rising.

He shakes his head clear and focusses on the task at hand. "I'm fine and in your arms, that's the most fine I can be. Cheer up, Love." He kisses her head. Because really, it was only a dream. Nothing more than that. And he would choose death over begging someone - to state the facts!

Jane chuckles at that but the melodious sound is muffled by his pectoral muscles. She pulls away and wipes her face. He cups her cheek, making her look at him. "Listen, I know it's terrible," he says, "but it was still a dream--"

"--No Thor, it's not like that." She interrupts him, her voice desperate.

"It didn't happen. You don't have to be upset abt it."  
  
Jane suddenly, angrily jerks his hand away. "You just don't get it!" She yells. "It's the Aether."

"...what?"

She immediately regrets her impulsive action and looks away, trying to form an explanation.

He stares at her dumbfounded. This night is really testing his patience. Just what did he say that made her respond that way? As much as her slapping away his hand like that stung, along with the yelling accusation - there are more pressing matters at hand right now. What of Aether now?

"Ever since..." Jane sighs and vaguely gestures with her hand, referring to the time the Aether took her as its host. The time Thor almost lost her. "I don't know, I feel like it never fully left me. I can feel it, sense it. Some residual maybe."

He doesn't really think that is possible. But if she is saying it, there must be some substance there.

"What makes you think so?" He asks, cautious. "Did something happen?"

"Nothing harmful or dangerous." She clears. "But umm, like a deja vu or something!" Knowing 'deja vu' may not be a familiar word to him, she adds. "Like sometimes when you return early from your missions, I'd just know that you would or when you would. You know, things like that! Ugh, none of this makes sense."

Jane puts her head in her hands. Thor wants to believe her. But he doesn't want to believe her.

"You were talking abt my eyes before we went to sleep, remember? And I was talking abt wars. Maybe that is why..."

He knows she won't like this approach of his, and his hand is still burning from that slap of hers. But he has to try. And she does look up at him with that same accusing look.

"I'm not denying what you said, no." He speaks before she can. "I'd just prefer it not be a 'deja vu' of me losing my eyes is all." He says honestly.

Jane laughs a little, then nods. "I hope so too!" She looks down for a moment before looking up at him again. "Sorry I shouted at you." She says solemnly.

"Don't be."  
He deserves it if he brought her to this.

He knows the answer, and he knows how much it would hurt to hear it said out loud. And despite himself, he goes ahead and asks. "But why didn't you tell me abt the Aether before?"

Her eyes widen with surprise. She looks away for a bit, framing a lie in her head.

"Like I said, it isn't harmful." Jane shrugs. "Just after effects. Nothing can be done abt it anyway." She pauses, biting her lip. Then says quietly, "and also because I didn't want it on your conscience."

Thor can feel his stomach sink. Just what he didn't want to hear! He looks away.

"Uhh... we can go outside." He points towards the balcony, hoping she wouldn't notice his terrible attempt of getting off this subject. "Some fresh air would--"

"No!" Jane snaps, startling him. "It's safer here." She adds sheepishly.

"Safe from what?"

"I just don't want to go out!" She says after a moment's silence of her struggling for words. "It's safer with you... Umm..." She first imitates hugging, implying what she has said countless times before - that his arms around her make her feel safe, then sighs at not being able to articulate it.

"Alright." He smiles. "But we cannot keep sitting like this either."

He completely misses the excited look she got at his unheedingly suggestive proposal as he speaks further, "lets at least try for sleep, han?"

She blinks a few times, then nods. He gathers their pillows together to prop himself on them. Then settles on them and motions for her to climb up on him and lay her head on his chest. She grins and complies.

He settles a little deeper in the pillows, and hugs her close to him. She sighs dreamily against him, clearly enjoying this little arrangement of theirs. He personally would have preferred to sleep normally - what with the throbbing pain in his head - but it doesn't matter.

Thor asks if she is comfortable and Jane hums in response. He runs his hand through her hair and hopes she can get back to sleep with the comfort of his arms around her - whatever that's supposed to mean.

As much as he'd like to rethink the events of this night over - and he is in quite a tailor-made position to do so too - he is just too exhausted to punish himself right now. So he simply tilts his head back and rests it on the wall.

Before he can close his eyes, he feels Jane lift her head to look at him through her lashes. He looks down at her, ready to move in case she needs anything.

Instead, she has that beautiful smile of hers lighting up her face as she whispers, "thank you."

Thor smiles too - it just slips out of him. He kisses her forehead and hugs her tighter. She rests her head back on his chest, and he goes back to resting his against the wall.

He tries to lay still and not think about anything, yet Loki's words echo in his head along with the headache - this day, the next, it's a heartbeat. He knows this. He knows this too well. But he won't just give her up to fate. He just won't. It won't be easy - he knows this too. Then again, it never was. He would choose death over losing to his fate - also to state the facts.

Besides, it was just a silly dream, nothing to get worked up about. Unless it really was the Aether? Thor purses his lips at the unpleasant thought. He doesn't know why Jane would dub some coincidences to be something like the Aether but her certainty is telling.

He desperately hopes she is wrong. Because if she isn't, it would mean yet another failure of his to keep her protected from the dangers of his world. Even if it's just traces, as she claims, it still can be dangerous. He almost lost her once. He doesn't have it in him to go through that again.

Thor looks down at Jane. She seems to be sleeping soundly now, with a ghost of a smile on her lips. He fondly grazes her cheek with his knuckles. Holding her so close to him, and knowing she finds comfort in his embrace soothes his soul. She is always so content with everything when it comes to him. She never asks for anything.

And yet, all he gives her is hurt. In some way or the other, all he brings her is tears. Maybe he really should say goodbye to her. Her safety is far, far superior to his selfish desire of keeping her to himself. She deserves a life of happiness and normalcy. Not this one of constant mortal dangers and endless waiting of him. It's so unfair to her. And all because of him.

Thor hits his head back a little too hard on the wall in exasperation, worsening the ache. Then immediately gets ahold of her, hoping he didn't wake her up and clenches his jaw in anger. He can't even let her sleep peacefully!

His fingers shake as he approaches to touch the veins inside her elbow to check for the Aether traces. He so desperately hopes to not find it there, and when he doesn't see anything right away, he is a bit relieved, but still holds out a little longer.

His mouth drops open and eyes widen with fear at his discovery.


End file.
